Episode 086: You Killed My Father, Prepare to … Deal with My Butthurt Tantrums
Sun Quan tries to wrestle some territory away from Cao Cao, while at the same time playing peacemaker between two of his own officers.
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Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 86.
Last time, Cao Cao had taken the Eastern Riverlands and was just starting to think about marching on the western half of the region as well. But a little diplomatic play by Liu Bei, who now controlled that western half, convinced Sun Quan to mobilize the troops of the Southlands to attack Cao Cao’s strongholds in the southeast to force him to redeploy his forces.
First up in Sun Quan’s crosshairs was the city of Wancheng (3,2). At the behest of his general Lü Meng, Sun Quan laid siege to the city at first light. His troops were met by a hailstorm of boulders and arrows, but the Dongwu general Gan Ning was not deterred. Wielding an iron chain, Gan Ning climbed up the city wall, braving the onslaught of projectiles. The governor of the city told his archers to take aim at Gan Ning, but Gan Ning swatted aside their arrows, hopped on to the top of the wall, and with one swing of his chain, knocked the governor to the ground. With Lü Meng personally banging the war drums to spur his men on, the Dongwu troops stormed the wall and cut the governor to pieces.
With their leader dead, the soldiers defending the city lost heart, and most of them surrendered. So the city belonged to Sun Quan. Before the battle, Lü Meng had told Sun Quan that if they threw everything they had at the city, it would be taken by noon. It was now early evening, so it didn’t go quite as quickly as Lü Meng predicted, but it was good enough, as the Dongwu forces accomplished their objective: Take the city before enemy reinforcements could get there.
Speaking of those reinforcements, Cao Cao’s general Zhang Liao, who was keeping watch over this region from the city of Hefei, was on his way to Wancheng (3,2) to try to break the siege, but he was only halfway there when his scouts reported back that the city had already been sacked. There was little point in continuing now, so Zhang Liao turned his troops around and went back to Hefei to prepare for the attack that was sure to come.
Meanwhile, Sun Quan threw a big party inside his newly conquered city to reward his troops. At this party, which Sun Quan did not attend, the generals Lü Meng and Gan Ning were placed in the seats of honor for their parts in conquering the city. The wine began to flow, but after it had been flowing for a while, trouble began.
Also at the party was the general Ling (2) Tong (3). Some of you may remember from way back in the story that back in the day, Ling Tong’s father had been killed in battle by Gan Ning when they were on opposite sides of a war. Ling Tong, understandably, had been holding a grudge ever since, even after Gan Ning had changed sides and now served the same master as he. Sun Quan had been able to keep this under control for the most part by assigning the two of them to posts that were nowhere near each other to keep them out of each other’s sights and minds. But now, they were all sitting under one roof, and what’s worse, Ling Tong had to listen to praise being heaped on Gan Ning for his valor during that day’s battle. Pretty soon, the slow burn inside Ling Tong had worked itself up to a full-on rage, and he began to glare at Gan Ning.
Suddenly, Ling Tong stood up, grabbed a sword from one of his attendants, stepped into the middle of the banquet hall, and said, “This feast lacks for entertainment. Let me humor you with a sword dance.”
And of course, we’ve seen enough sword dances at banquets in this novel to know that they never end well. Gan Ning was no dummy, and he quickly caught on to Ling Tong’s intent. So now, Gan Ning pushed his table aside and also stood up. Wielding a short halberd in each hand, he stepped into the center of the hall as well and said, “Watch me and my halberds.” And so now there were two highly trained killing machines waving sharp objects around in the middle of this party.
Their comrade, Lü Meng, was also no dummy, so he now stood up with a shield in one hand and a knife in the other. He stepped between his dueling companions and said, “Sirs, you may be skilled, but you cannot match me.” And so he now started waving his weapons around, but whereas the other two guys were trying to hack at each other, Lü Meng was intent on parrying their thrusts at every turn so that nobody got hurt.
Word of this little shenanigans soon reached Sun Quan, and he hurried over to the banquet. Only now, with their lord on the scene, did everyone put down their weapons. Sun Quan then said to Gan Ning and Ling Tong, “I have often told you guys to forget about the bad blood of the past. So what’s with this?”
When he heard that, Ling Tong fell to his knees and wept bitterly. Sun Quan consoled him time and again before Ling Tong begrudgingly left.
With this little internal strife temporarily quelled, Sun Quan marched his troops toward Hefei the next day. Now this city, the most important one between Dongwu and Cao Cao’s territory, was defended by three veteran generals. Zhang Liao was in charge, and he was assisted by Li Dian and Yue Jin. These three have been with Cao Cao for a long time and have been through innumerable engagements, so the fact that Cao Cao put them in charge of this city shows how critical Hefei was.
After losing the key city of Wancheng (3,2), Zhang Liao was feeling pretty troubled. Just then came a messenger from Cao Cao. This messenger presented Zhang Liao with a wooden box, which bore an inscription from Cao Cao. The accompanying letter said, “Do not open until the enemy is coming.”
Well, later that day, Zhang Liao got word that the enemy was indeed coming, so he opened the wooden box to see what wonderful strategy Cao Cao had sent him. Inside the box was a slip of paper that read, “If Sun Quan comes to attack, General Zhang and General Li should go out to fight, while General Yue stays to defend the city.”
Umm … well, I think Zhang Liao was perhaps hoping for a little more than that. In any case, he showed the letter to Li Dian and Yue Jin.
“What do you think, general?” Yue Jin asked Zhang Liao.
“Dongwu thinks that because our lord is off on a distant campaign, they can defeat us,” Zhang Liao said. “We should lead our troops out to meet them head on, blunt their momentum, and put our people’s minds at ease. That will enable us to hold the city.”
However, the other member of the trio, Li Dian, was silent upon hearing this. Now, Li Dian, by all accounts, was no coward, but he and Zhang Liao were not on the best of terms for reasons unexplained in the novel, so I guess he wasn’t keen on placing a lot of faith in Zhang Liao’s plan. His silence on the matter gave his comrade Yue Jin some pause as well.
“The enemy outnumbers us,” Yue Jin said. “It would be difficult to fight them. Why don’t we just stay in and defend?”
“Sirs,” Zhang Liao said sternly, “you are both placing personal concerns over state business. I will go out alone to settle this then.” And with that, he told his men to fetch his horse.
Shamed by Zhang Liao’s words and actions, Li Dian quickly reversed course.
“General, given your actions, how can I place my personal feelings above state affairs?” he said to Zhang Liao. “I am at your disposal!”
Now that’s more like it. A delighted Zhang Liao told Li Dian, “If you are willing to help, then tomorrow, lead a detachment of troops to north of Xiaoyao (1,2) Ford and lie in wait. Once the Dongwu troops cross over, take apart the bridge, and General Yue and I will attack them.”
The next day, the Dongwu forces arrived. Sun Quan sent Lü Meng and Gan Ning to lead the vanguard and make for Hefei, while he himself and Ling Tong headed up the middle battalion, and the other officers followed behind.
Lü Meng and Gan Ning’s vanguard ran into enemy troops led by Yue Jin. Gan Ning went out to fight Yue Jin, who feigned retreat after just a few bouts. Gan Ning and Lü Meng proceeded to give chase.
Meanwhile, Sun Quan, who was right behind his vanguard, got word of its apparent victory, and so he pushed his troops forward. But when they crossed over to north of Xiaoyao (1,2) Ford, a series of explosives went off, and two detachments of enemy troops sprang out of hiding and attacked, led by Zhang Liao on the left and Li Dian on the right.
Sun Quan was caught off guard and quickly sent someone to tell Lü Meng and Gan Ning to turn around and come help. But by then, Zhang Liao’s troops had already arrived on the scene. Ling Tong, who was protecting Sun Quan, only had 300-some riders under his command, way too few to stand up to the avalanche of enemy soldiers pouring into them. Ling Tong, seeing that things weren’t going well, shouted to Sun Quan, “My lord! Hurry and cross over the bridge!”
Those words had barely left Ling Tong’s lips when Zhang Liao and 2,000-some riders arrived and started wreaking havoc. Ling Tong turned around and put up a dogged fight to try to hold them off. Sun Quan, meanwhile, spurred his horse onto the bridge, but uh oh, the south half of the bridge, the side across from him, had already been dismantled, courtesy of Li Dian.
Trapped between a half-disassembled bridge in front and enemy troops from behind, Sun Quan fell into a panic. But just then, one of his lieutenants shouted, “My lord, back your horse up a bit, then make it sprint forward and leap across!”
So Sun Quan quickly backed up his horse about 20 feet or so, and then gave it a few good whips. His horse dashed forward and, just like a Hollywood cliché, leaped over the dismantled half of the bridge, landing on the opposite bank. Once on the other side, Sun Quan was met by a couple of his officers, who hustled him to relative safety.
Back on the north side of the ford, however, Ling Tong was in trouble against Zhang Liao. His comrades Gan Ning and Lü Meng had turned around their vanguard to come help, but they were attacked by Yue Jin from behind and Li Dian from the front, resulting in more than 50 percent casualty. The 300-some men that Ling Tong was leading had by now all been killed. Ling Tong himself bore several stab wounds, but he nonetheless managed to fight his way to the bridge. But of course, the bridge was still half disassembled. Not willing to test his own horse’s leaping ability, Ling Tong fled along the riverbank.
Sun Quan, who had by now retreated onto one of his ships, spotted Ling Tong and quickly ordered a boat to be dispatched to pick him up and bring him to safety on the opposite bank. Meanwhile, Lü Meng and Gan Ning managed to fight their way through the enemy and both also scrambled across the river. So Sun Quan’s big-name generals all managed to survive this catastrophic battle, but their troops were not so fortunate. In fact, it is said that this one battle left the people of the Southlands so fearful of Zhang Liao that when someone mentioned his name, even little babies were so frightened that they ceased to cry at night. So now Zhang Liao was on par with the boogeyman. Of course, if he was indeed so effective in silencing wailing babies, it would go a long way toward endearing him to all the new parents of the Southlands.
After Sun Quan limped back to camp under the protection of his officers, he handsomely rewarded Ling Tong for his bravery, as well as the lieutenant who told him to jump across the bridge. Sun Quan then had his army fall back to Ruxu (2,1), where they regrouped, sent word back to the Southlands for reinforcements, and began planning another attack by land and water.
Inside Hefei, the victorious Zhang Liao soon learned that Sun Quan and his army were not licked yet, and he was worried about not having enough troops to withstand another siege. So he quickly sent word to the region of Hanzhong, where Cao Cao was currently located, to ask for help. When he received the message, Cao Cao assembled his staff.
“Is this the right time to conquer the Western Riverlands?” he asked them.
The adviser Liu (2) Ye (4) answered, “Right now, the region of Shu has been temporarily pacified and is already on guard against us, so we cannot attack them. We should redeploy our troops to lift the siege at Hefei and then sweep down into the South.”
Cao Cao agreed with this assessment, so he left the general Xiahou Yuan to oversee Dingjun (4,1) Mountain, a key stronghold in Hanzhong. He also left the general Zhang He (2) to guard another key location, Mengtou (4,2) Cliff. The rest of army followed Cao Cao and marched toward Ruxu (2,1).
When Sun Quan heard that Cao Cao was coming his way with 400,000 men, he and his advisers decided to have 50 large ships waiting by the mouth of the river at Ruxu (2,1) and sent out regular patrols along the banks of the river. The adviser Zhang Zhao also suggested that they should strike first to give Cao Cao a bloody nose.
“Cao Cao is coming from far away,” Sun Quan said to his officers. “Who among you dare to go defeat him and blunt his momentum?”
Ling Tong quickly volunteered for the job, asking for 3,000 men. But just as Sun Quan was about to send him, the general Gan Ning said, “We don’t need 3,000 men. I only need 100 riders to do the job.”
When Ling Tong heard this, he was livid because hey it’s the guy who killed my father, and now he’s also disrespecting me. And so the two began arguing right there in front of Sun Quan. Sun Quan, trying to placate the butthurt Ling Tong, said, “Cao Cao has a large army and should not be underestimated.” So he told Ling Tong to take 3,000 men to scout out the mouth of the river, with orders to engage the enemy should they encounter any.
Sure enough, soon after they left camp, Ling Tong and company saw a dust cloud in the distance, and soon a detachment of Cao Cao’s troops arrived, led by none other than Zhang Liao. The two generals traded blows for 50 bouts, with neither gaining the upper hand. At that point, Sun Quan was worried about Ling Tong slipping up, so he sent Lü Meng to lead some men to go back up Ling Tong and bring him back to camp.
After Ling Tong returned safely, Gan Ning went to see Sun Quan and repeated his earlier statement.
“I will take only 100 riders tonight to raid Cao Cao’s camp,” he said. “If I lose a single man or horse, then I shall forfeit all merit from the raid.”
Moved by such bravado, Sun Quan consented and gave Gan Ning 100 stout riders. He also gave him 50 bottles of wine and 50 pounds of mutton to distribute to those men. Of course, one might question the wisdom of giving your men a ton of booze and food before they go out on a mission, but that’s neither here nor there.
Gan Ning asked his 100 riders to join him in his own tent and treated them to the wine. After drinking two bowls himself, Gan Ning told them, “We have been ordered to raid the enemy camp tonight. Sirs, please drink to your heart’s content, and then give everything you’ve got on the raid.”
His men, however, kind of just looked at each other like, “Uhh, I’m not too sure about this.” Picking up on this, Gan Ning sprang to his feet, pulled out his sword, and said angrily, “I am a top general, and even I care nothing for my own life. So why do you all hesitate?”
This little outburst did the trick, as all the men now stood and pledged to do their utmost on the mission. Appeased, Gan Ning now ordered all the wine and mutton be distributed among the men, and they ate and drank to their hearts’ content.
Around 9 o’clock that night, Gan Ning and his riders set out. Each man wore a white goose feather on their helmet so that they could tell their own guys apart from the enemy in the dark. In the blackness, they rode to Cao Cao’s camp, where they brushed aside the outer fortifications of tree branches, let out a mighty roar, and stormed in.
Once inside, they made straight for the center of the camp to kill Cao Cao. But the center of the camp was surrounded by an impenetrable circle of chariots and wagons. But no matter. Gan Ning did the next best thing, leading his men here and there, slashing their way through the rest of the camp. Cao Cao’s troops didn’t know how big an enemy force they were facing, and they were thrown into disarray, and pretty soon, the entire camp was engulfed in flames and cries.
Amid this chaos, Gan Ning eventually emerged from the south gate, and no one dared to get in his way. By now, Sun Quan had sent a relief force to back him up. That, along with the fact that Cao Cao’s men were worried about an ambush and thus did not give chase, allowed Gan Ning and his men to return safely to their own camp.
Amazingly, Gan Ning, true to his word, did not lose a single man or horse on this raid. Once back at the entrance to their own camp, he ordered his men to beat drums and play flutes and shouted huzzah as they celebrated. Sun Quan personally came to welcome them. Gan Ning dismounted and kneeled, but Sun Quan quickly helped him up to his feet, took him by the hand, and said,
“General, your deeds tonight will strike fear into the old traitor. I allowed you to go on this mission not because you were expendable, but only because I wanted to witness your valor!”
Along with the high praise, Sun Quan rewarded Gan Ning with 1,000 rolls of fine silk and 100 sharp knives. Gan Ning thanked his lord and distributed the rewards among his riders. Sun Quan then told his other officers, “Cao Cao may have Zhang Liao, but I have Gan Ning, who is more than a match.”
A later poet praised Gan Ning’s display of courage thus:
As army drums a-beating shook the ground,
Where Dongwu soldiers struck, wails of ghosts and spirits abound.
Those hundred goose-plumes deep behind Cao Cao’s line
Testified to the talent of Gan Ning, a tiger general defined.
While all this high praise wasn’t going to Gan Ning’s head, it was getting on one of his comrades’ nerves. That’s right, good ol’ Ling Tong was feeling mighty peeved again. So when Zhang Liao came to challenge for battle the next day, Ling Tong promptly volunteered to go meet him. Sun Quan consented and gave him 5,000 men for the job. While Ling Tong led his troops out, Sun Quan and Gan Ning both followed and watched.
On the opposite side, Zhang Liao rode out, flanked by his fellow officers Li Dian and Yue Jin. Wielding a saber, Ling Tong galloped out to the front of the lines. Zhang Liao sent out Yue Jin to meet him. The two fought for 50 bouts without a winner. By now, Cao Cao had heard about the fight and came out to witness it himself. Watching from under the main banner, Cao Cao saw that the two men were engaged in a ferocious exchange of blows, and he decided that this would be perfect time to play dirty, honor be damned. So he ordered Cao Xiu (1), a distant nephew of his, to fire an arrow at Ling Tong.
Cao Xiu sneaked to right behind Zhang Liao so as to remain out of sight. From there, he let fly an arrow, and it struck Ling Tong’s horse. The horse stood straight up on its hind legs, bucking Ling Tong from his seat and sending him tumbling to the ground. Seeing his opportunity, Yue Jin raised his spear and prepared to end Ling Tong right then and there.
But in that split second, a second twang of a bowstring was heard, and an arrow darted through the air and lodged itself in Yue Jin’s face, send him to the ground. Troops on both sides now surged forward, each rescuing their own man and falling back. Both sides then decided to call it a day.
When Ling Tong returned to camp, he went to thank Sun Quan for saving his life, but Sun Quan told him, “It was Gan Ning who fired the arrow that saved you.”
Moved and shamed, Ling Tong bowed to Gan Ning and said, “Sir, I never expected such kindness from you!” From that moment on, Ling Tong and Gan Ning pledged to be brothers, and all was well between them.
On the other side, the arrow to the face did not kill Yue Jin, but as you can imagine, he was down for the count for a while. Cao Cao sent him back to his own tent for treatment and rest. The next day, Cao Cao split his troops into five battalions, each numbering 10,000 men, and advanced on Sun Quan’s base at Ruxu (2,1). Cao Cao himself led the battalion in the middle. The two battalions on the left wing were led by Zhang Liao and Li Dian, while the two on the right were commanded by Xu Huang and Pang De, and they all made straight for the river bank.
Near river bank, the Dongwu officers Dong (3) Xi (2) and Xu (2) Sheng (4) were commanding a multistoried warship. When they saw the enemy approaching, the Dongwu soldiers all looked intimidated. Seeing this, Xu Sheng shouted, “Your lord feeds you, so you serve your lord. What’s with the frightened looks?!”
Xu Sheng then rounded up a few hundred brave men and they rowed ashore on some small boats and threw themselves at the battalion led by Li Dian. Meanwhile, on the warship, Dong Xi (2) ordered his men to bang the battle drums and shout battle cries to cheer on their comrades.
Suddenly, a strong gale kicked up across the water, sending waves roaring skyward. The warship was thrown around and was about to capsize, sending its crew scrambling for the lifeboats. Dong Xi, however, gripped his sword and yelled, “We have been ordered by our lord to defend this place against the enemy! How dare you abandon ship and flee?!”
As he spoke, he personally cut down a dozen or so fleeing soldiers. But just then, the ship flipped in the wind and the waves, tossing everyone overboard. Dong Xi ended up drowning at the mouth of the river. All the while, his comrade Xu Sheng was still charging to and fro amid Li Dian’s army on land.
While this was going on, another Dongwu officer, Chen (2) Wu (3), had heard about the fighting and led a detachment of troops to come help. But he was met by Cao Cao’s general Pang De, and the two sides scrummed. And then Sun Quan, accompanied by the veteran general Zhou Tai (4), also arrived with an army. Seeing his officer Xu Sheng engaged in a melee in the middle of Li Dian’s troops, Sun Quan and company decided to charge in and help, but they were quickly surrounded by the battalions led by Zhang Liao and Xu Huang. Seeing this development from his perch on the high grounds, Cao Cao immediately ordered the general Xu Chu to charge into the fray, cutting Sun Quan’s army in half and keeping them from coming to each other’s aid.
In the midst of this chaos, the Dongwu general Zhou Tai managed to fight his way out of the scrum and make it to the bank of the river. But when he got there, he noticed he was missing something, or someone. He had dived into the fray alongside Sun Quan, but now Sun Quan was nowhere to be found. So Zhou Tai quickly turned around and charged back into the chaos.
“Where’s our lord?!” Zhou Tai asked one of his own soldiers.
“He is surrounded and in danger!” the man replied as he pointed toward a particularly dense cluster of troops.
Showing no fear, Zhou Tai charged that way and managed to find Sun Quan.
“My lord, follow me and we’ll fight our way out!” Zhou Tai said.
So Zhou Tai took the lead, and Sun Quan followed as they tried to storm out. A little while later, Zhou Tai once again emerged by the river bank, but once again, when he turned to look, he did not see Sun Quan. So once again, he threw himself back into the sea of enemies, where he soon found Sun Quan again.
“The enemy’s archers make it impossible to breakthrough; what should we do?!” Sun Quan asked.
To see if Sun Quan can make it out of this jam, tune in to the next episode of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. Thanks for listening!