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Episode 090: Take That, Young Punks!

With the battle for Hanzhong in full swing, Liu Bei sends a senior citizen to chase off some rowdy kids.

With the battle for Hanzhong in full swing, Liu Bei sends a senior citizen to chase off some rowdy kids.

Transcript

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Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 90.

Last time, the forces of Liu Bei and Cao Cao were going at it in the region of Hanzhong. One of Cao Cao’s generals, Zhang He, was routed by Liu Bei’s brother Zhang Fei, losing almost his entire army of 30,000 men. When Zhang He ran back to his commander Cao Hong, Cao Hong was incensed and wanted to execute Zhang He.

Fortunately for Zhang He, one of Cao Hong’s officers, Guo (1) Huai (2), chimed in and said, “Building an army is easy; finding a general is hard. Even though Zhang He is at fault, he is well-liked by the King of Wei and must not be lightly executed. We can order him to lead 5,000 men to attack Jiameng (1,2) Pass. That would force Liu Bei to redeploy his forces, and peace will naturally be restored in this region. If he fails, then you can punish for both offenses.”

Cao Hong simmered down a bit when he heard this, so he gave Zhang He another 5,000 men and sent him off to attack Jiameng (1,2) Pass. Jiameng Pass was a key location near the borders between Hanzhong and the Western Riverlands. It was being defended by the officers Meng (4) Da (2) and Huo (4) Jun (4). When they heard the enemy was coming, Meng Da insisted on going out to fight, despite his comrade’s advice to the contrary. So out went Meng Da, and moments later, back in came Meng Da, having received a beatdown by Zhang He. So now, they hurriedly sent off an urgent dispatch to Liu Bei in the city of Chengdu.

When Liu Bei got word of this, he consulted Zhuge Liang, and Zhuge Liang assembled the officer corps and said, “There’s an urgent situation at Jiameng Pass. We must go fetch General Zhang Fei; he’s the only one who can defeat Zhang He.”

“But General Zhang is currently defending another important location,” the adviser Fa (3) Zheng (4) said. “We cannot redeploy him. We must pick an officer from among those here to repel Zhang He.”

“But Zhang He is a famous general of the North,” Zhuge Liang said with a smile. “Ordinary folks are no match for him. No one but Zhang Fei is up to this task.”

Well, as you might imagine, somebody among the officers present was bound to take offense to this remark. It was like Zhuge Liang was deliberately trying to rile them up, not that he would ever do anything like that.

“Director general, why do you hold us in such low regard?” a stern voice boomed. “Even though I am untalented, I am willing to go get Zhang He’s head and present it to you!”

Everyone looked and saw that it was the old general Huang Zhong who had spoken.

“General Huang,” Zhuge Liang said, “your valor is unquestioned, but you’re nonetheless getting up there in age. I worry you would not be a match for Zhang He.”

When Huang Zhong heard that, the white hairs on his head stood up, and he said, “I may be old, but my arms can still pull a strong bow, and my body still possesses plenty of strength. How can I not be a match for that nobody Zhang He?!”

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“But general, you’re nearing 70; how can you not show signs of age?” Zhuge Liang said, continuing to egg on Huang Zhong.

Huang Zhong now stomped out of the hall, grabbed a big saber off the weapons rack, and spinned it in his hands like windmill. Then, he grabbed two bows off the wall and pulled each one so far back that he snapped them both. This was demonstration enough for Zhuge Liang.

“General, if you are to go, who would be your second in command?” he asked.

“The old general Yan (2) Yan (2) can accompany me,” Huang Zhong said. “If there’s any slip-up, I will give you my white head.”

Liu Bei was delighted by this eagerness and sent the two old generals off to Jiameng Pass. Once they left, the general Zhao Yun voiced some concerns to Zhuge Liang.

“Director general, Zhang He’s attack on Jiameng Pass is no joke. If Jiameng Pass falls, then all of Yi (4) Province would be in danger. Why did you send two old officers to face such a strong foe?”

“You all think that they’re old and not up to the task,” Zhuge Liang said. “But I think they will be the ones to deliver Hanzhong to us.”

Well, Zhao Yun and many of the other officers politely begged to differ, snickering under their breaths as they took their leave. And they weren’t the only ones who were skeptical. When Huang Zhong and Yan Yan arrived at Jiameng Pass, the two officers defending the pass, Meng Da and Huo (4) Jun (4), also laughed at Zhuge Liang under their breaths, thinking, “Why did he send two old fogies to protect such a key location?”

Huang Zhong was no dummy. He detected the skepticism right away, and he said to Yan Yan, “Did you see how everyone was acting? They are laughing at our age. So here’s our chance to shut them all up with a surprise victory.”

“I am at your disposal,” Yan Yan replied.

So Huang Zhong led some troops out of the pass to face Zhang He. And like everyone else, when Zhang He rode out and saw his opponent, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“How can you not have any sense of shame at your age?” Zhang He said to Huang Zhong. “How dare you come on the battlefield?”

“How dare a young punk like you mock my age?!” an angry Huang Zhong shot back. “The saber in my hand is not old!”

And so they went at it, throwing themselves at each other for 20-some bouts. Suddenly, cries rose up from behind Zhang He’s lines. It was the other old general, Yan Yan, sneaking up on him via the backroads. Sandwiched, Zhang He was crushed and forced to retreat for about 30 miles. Huang Zhong and Yan Yan contented themselves with the victory and brought their troops back to camp.

When word of Zhang He’s latest failure reached Cao Hong, he was once again enraged and itching to punish Zhang He. But Guo (1) Huai (2), who bailed out Zhang He before, intervened again, telling Cao Hong that if he pushed Zhang He too far, then Zhang He just might get desperate enough to surrender to the enemy. Guo Huai advised Cao Hong to send a relief force to 1) help Zhang He, and 2) keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t get any ideas. Cao Hong agreed and sent two officers to head up a relief force of 5,000 to help Zhang He.

One of these officers was Xiahou Shang (4), the nephew of Cao Cao’s old warhorse Xiahou Dun. The other was Han (2) Hao (4), and his older brother used to be the former governor of the county of Changsha (2,1). If you’d remember from episode 65, Changsha was Huang Zhong’s old haunt before he joined up with Liu Bei. When Liu Bei’s forces attacked Changsha, the governor of Changsha thought Huang Zhong was trying to betray him and wanted to execute him, but that triggered an uprising led by Wei Yan, who killed the governor. So this Han (2) Hao (4), that slain governor’s brother, had a bit of a grudge against Huang Zhong.

When the relief force arrived at Zhang He’s camp, he filled them in on what has transpired and cautioned them, “The old general Huang Zhong is a true hero, and he is being assisted by Yan Yan. We must not take them lightly.”

“When I was in Changsha, I knew all about that old traitor Huang Zhong’s skills,” Han (2) Hao (4) said. “He and Wei Yan surrendered the city and killed my brother. If I run into him, I swear I’ll get my revenge!”

And then Han Hao and Xiahou Shang led their army forward, leaving Zhang He at his camp.

Meanwhile, Huang Zhong had spent the past few days scouting out the area and getting an idea of where the roads went. He and Yan Yan set their sights on Mount Tiandang (1,4), where Cao Cao’s troops stored their provisions. They figured that if they could capture Mount Tiandang (1,4) and cut off the enemy’s supplies, then the region would be theirs. So they drew up a plan, and Yan Yan went off with a detachment of troops.

Soon thereafter, Huang Zhong got word that Xiahou Shang and Han Hao (4) were knocking on his gates, so he went out to face them. Across the lines, Han Hao cursed Huang Zhong, calling him a dishonorable old traitor. And then he and Xiahou Shang rode forth to doubleteam Huang Zhong. After about 10 bouts or so, Huang Zhong turned and fled. Xiahou Shang and Han Hao gave chase for a few miles and seized Huang Zhong’s camp. Once the chase ended, Huang Zhong regrouped his troops and hastily built another camp.

The next day, Xiahou Shang and Han Hao advanced again, and Huang Zhong again went out to fight them. After a few bouts, Huang Zhong once again turned and fled, and after chasing him for another few miles, they again seized his newly constructed camp. So now that they’ve seized two enemy camps in two days, they told Zhang He to keep watch over the first one, but Zhang He came to see them and told them, “Huang Zhong has retreated for two days in a row; there must be deception afoot.”

“You’re such a coward; no wonder you lost so many battles!” Xiahou Shang admonished Zhang He. “Say no more. Just watch us win more glory!”

Humiliated, Zhang He took his leave. The next day, the same routine played out. Huang Zhong retreated another few miles, and his foes advanced some more. This repeated itself for several more days, until Huang Zhong had fallen all the way back to Jiameng Pass, and the enemy was camping right outside while Huang Zhong hid behind his defenses.

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Meng Da, one of the officers defending the pass, now secretly sent a letter to Liu Bei telling him what’s been happening. Liu Bei asked Zhuge Liang what he thought of this. Zhuge Liang said it was a scheme by Huang Zhong to lure the enemy into complacency, but the other officers, such as Zhao Yun, remained unconvinced.

Liu Bei was also concerned, so he sent his adopted son Liu Feng (1) to Jiameng Pass to help Huang Zhong. Huang Zhong asked why he was there, and Liu Feng replied, “My father heard that you had suffered a string of defeats, so he sent me.”

“That was my trick to make the enemy overconfident,” Huang Zhong explained with a smile. “With one battle tonight, I shall recover all my camps and seize the enemy’s provisions and horses. The camps are just on loan to the enemy so he can restock them. Tonight, we’ll leave general Huo (4) Jun (4) to defend the pass, while general Meng Da can assist me with the seizure of provisions and horses. Just wait and see.”

That night, around 9 o’clock, Huang Zhong led 5,000 men out of the pass and attacked. Xiahou Shang (4) and Han Hao (4), having been lured into a sense of complacency after days had passed without any movement from the enemy, were caught ill-prepared, allowing Huang Zhong to easily storm into their camp. All the two of them could do was flee; they didn’t even have time to don their armor or saddle their horses. Meanwhile, their soldiers were thrown into disarray, and countless died as they trampled each other.

By dawn, Huang Zhong had reclaimed three camps, which contained large amounts of weapons and horses, which Meng Da dutifully transported into Jiameng Pass while Huang Zhong continued to press his troops forward.

At that moment, Liu Feng tried to convince Huang Zhong to take a quick rest, but Huang Zhong replied, “To get tiger cubs, you must go into the tiger’s lair!” So he pressed ahead, and his men followed. When they came upon the first camp that they had given up, Zhang He, who was defending that camp, had already seen his defenses get overrun by men from his comrades’ army who were running for their lives. There was no way Zhang He could withstand an assault, so he, too, tucked tail and ran. He and his comrades ended up abandoning a bunch of camps and fleeing all the way to the bank of the Han (4) River.

Once they all found each other after a night of fleeing, Zhang He said to his comrades, “Mount Tiandang (1,4) is a grain storage site, and it connects to Mount Micang (3,1), another grain storage. It is the lifeline for our troops in Hanzhong. If something were to happen to it, then Hanzhong would be lost. We must protect it.”

“Mount Micang (3,1) is connected to Mount Dingjun (4,1), which is defended by my uncle Xiahou Yuan,” Xiahou Shang (4) said. “He has sent troops to defend Mount Micang (3,1), so there’s no need to worry about it. As for Mount Tiandang (1,4), it is defended by my brother Xiahou De (2). Let’s go join him and defend that mountain.”

So they headed for Mount Tiandang and told its commander, Xiahou De (2), what had happened to them.

“I have 100,000 men garrisoned here,” Xiahou De said to them. “You may take them and go reclaim your camp.”

“No, we must fortify our defenses here and not make any rash moves,” Zhang He said.

Just then, the sound of war drums and gongs rang out from the front of the mountain, and word came that Huang Zhong had arrived.

“[Scoff] That old scoundrel only relies on his bravery and knows nothing of the strategies of war,” Xiahou De laughed.

“Huang Zhong is brave AND smart,” Zhang He cautioned.

“They have traveled a long distance, and they have exerted themselves for days,” Xiahou De countered. “And yet they have struck deep into enemy territory. That is not smart!”

“Still, we must not underestimate the enemy,” Zhang He again cautioned. “It’s best to just defend.”

But the officer Han Hao disagreed.

“Give me 3,000 crack troops to strike at the enemy; victory will be guaranteed!” he said.

Xiahou De agreed and sent Han Hao down the mountain with the troops he requested. Meanwhile, at the foot of the mountain, Huang Zhong lined up his men to wait for the enemy. Liu Feng again tried to convince him to call it a day.

“The sun is already setting in the west,” Liu Feng said. “And our troops are tired from such a long trek. Let’s take a brief rest first.”

“Not so,” Huang Zhong said with a smile. “This is a victory sent by heaven. If I don’t take it, it would be going against heaven’s will.”

Just as he finished speaking, the war drums began to roll as Han Hao arrived to pick a fight. Huang Zhong rode out to meet him, and within one bout, Huang Zhong’s sabre found its mark, and Han Hao found his way to the afterlife. The Shu (3) soldiers roared and stormed up the mountainside. Zhang He and Xiahou Shang were just about to lead their troops to meet them when suddenly, loud cries rang out from the back of the mountain, and flames shot toward the heavens, turning the mountain and the sky red. Xiahou De rushed to the back of the mountain to put out the fire, but ran smack dab into the other old general, Yan Yan. With one swing of his sabre, Yan Yan cut down Xiahou De.

So as it turns out, Huang Zhong had sent Yan Yan to the back of the mountain to lie in wait. Once Huang Zhong’s troops arrived, Yan Yan and his men were to start fires and introduce some chaos. Having slayed Xiahou De, Yan Yan now charged from the back of the mountain. Zhang He and Xiahou Shang could not withstand attacks from two sides, so they abandoned Mount Tiandang and fled toward Mount Dingjun (4,1) to seek refuge with the general Xiahou Yuan.

After this resounding victory, Huang Zhong and Yan Yan secured Mount Tiandang and sent word of their triumph to Liu Bei, which prompted Liu Bei to celebrate with his staff. During this celebration, the adviser Fa Zheng said,

“When Cao Cao conquered Zhang Lu (3) and pacified Hanzhong, instead of riding his momentum and attacking the West, he merely left Xiahou Yuan and Zhang He to oversee the region while he took the main army back up north. That was a mistake. Now Zhang He has been defeated and Mount Tiandang is ours. My lord, if you seize this opportunity and personally lead a large army on campaign, then Hanzhong will be yours. Once we have Hanzhong, then we can drill our men, plant our grain, and watch for an opportunity to bring the traitor to justice. We would be able to attack or defend. This is a heaven-sent opportunity; we must not miss it.”

Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang were both on board with this line of thought, so they appointed the generals Zhao Yun and Zhang Fei to head up the vanguard, while Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang led an army of 100,000 and made for Hanzhong.

On an auspicious day in the year 218, Liu Bei’s army set out and headed to Jiameng Pass. When they arrived, Liu Bei’s first order of business was to handsomely reward Huang Zhong and Yan Yan.

“Everyone said you were too old,” Liu Bei told Huang Zhong, “but the director general alone understood your abilities, and now you have accomplished an amazing feat. But right now, there still remains Mount Dingjun (4,1), which protects the city of Nanzheng (2,4) and is a grain store. If we can take Mount Dingjun (4,1), then we would have a clear path to Yangping (2,2). General, are you up for this task?”

Huang Zhong, of course, was more than eager to take on the new assignment and was all ready to lead his troops out, but Zhuge Liang quickly stepped in and said, “General Huang is valiant, but that Xiahou Yuan is different from the likes of Zhang He. He is well-versed in the ways of war. Cao Cao used him as a buffer against potential troubles in Xiliang (1,2). First, he garrisoned troops at Chang’an (2,1) to repel Ma Chao. Then, when it came time to garrison troops in Hanzhong, Cao Cao turned to no one but Xiahou Yuan, because he trusts Xiahou Yuan’s generalship above all others’. General Huang may have defeated Zhang He, but he might not be a match for Xiahou Yuan. I’m thinking about sending someone to Jing Province to temporarily trade places with General Guan Yu so that he may come here. Only he can match up against Xiahou Yuan.”

So Zhuge Liang is pushing Huang Zhong’s buttons once again, and Huang Zhong responded exactly as expected.

“When the famous Warring States general Lian (2) Po (1) was 80, he still ate a bushel of grain and 10 pounds of meat a day, and all the other states’ rulers were weary of him and did not dare to encroach on his territory,” Huang Zhong said. “I’m not even 70 yet, how can you call me old? Fine, I don’t even need a lieutenant commander. I’ll just take the 3,000 men under my command and go bring you Xiahou Yuan’s head.”

Zhuge Liang, though, kept up his act and refused time and again, but Huang Zhong insisted. After this went on for a bit, Zhuge Liang relented and said, “If you want to go, I’ll send Fa Zheng with you as the military supervisor so he can help you. You must talk things over with him before every move. I’ll also send reinforcements to help you.”

Huang Zhong agreed to this condition and went off with Fa Zheng and the 3,000 soldiers from his own command. Once he left, Zhuge Liang said to Liu Bei,

“If I did not rile up this old warrior with my words, he would not succeed. Now that he has gone, we must send reinforcements.”

So Zhuge Liang summoned the general Zhao Yun and told him, “Take a detachment of troops and take the backroads to go back up Huang Zhong. If he wins, then there’s no need for you to engage. But if something goes wrong, go help him.

Zhuge Liang next called up the officers Liu Feng and Meng Da and told them, “Take 3,000 men and go erect banners at key places in the hills so as to intimidate the enemy.”

After the three officers set out, Zhuge Liang then gave some instructions to the general Ma Chao. He also sent Yan Yan to go defend Baxi (1,1) so that Zhang Fei and Wei Yan, who were presently holding down the fort there, could be redeployed in Hanzhong.

While Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei were wheeling and dealing, on Mount Dingjun (4,1), Zhang He and Xiahou Shang told the commander Xiahou Yuan about how they lost Mount Tiandang, along with a couple of their fellow officers. Oh, and now Liu Bei is personally leading a campaign to take Hanzhong, so I guess we better let Cao Cao know soon.

When this message arrived in the capital Xuchang, Cao Cao was shocked and immediately summoned his staff to discuss how to save Hanzhong. The adviser Liu Ye (4) said, “If Hanzhong is lost, the Heartlands would tremble. Your Highness must not begrudge the labor; you must personally lead an expedition.”

“I regret not listening to you before and letting it come to this,” Cao Cao said, lamenting the time he ignored Liu Ye’s advice to attack the Western Riverlands right after he conquered Hanzhong.

But it was time for action, not regrets, so Cao Cao mobilized 400,000 troops and set out in the seventh month of the year 218. Xiahou Dun led the vanguard, Cao Cao himself led the main army, and Cao Xiu (1) brought up the rear.

This was Cao Cao’s first time on campaign since he became the King of Wei, and he was traveling in style. He rode a white horse with a gilded saddle. He wore a belt with jade stars and a fancy outfit. His guards carried a giant red canopy with gold threads, flanked by the imperial regalia of the golden mace and the silver broadaxe, along with banners featuring the sun and the moon and the dragon and phoenix. He was escorted by an imperial guard of 25,000 men, divided into five battalions represented by the colors blue, yellow, red, white, and black. It was a truly impressive sight.

Now, at this point, the novel takes us on a digression where we spend a rather large amount of time following Cao Cao as he stopped along the way to visit an old acquaintance, honor some filial maiden from the days of yore, and leave a riddle that none but his secretary Yang Xiu (1) could solve. I’m going to skip all of this, because it has no bearing on our narrative and there are just too many characters and too much information to pass along for something that really has no significance in the story. I’d say just know that this was an example of how well Yang Xiu (1) understood Cao Cao, something that will come up again later.

Ok, having saved you 15 minutes of pointless digression, let’s skip ahead to Cao Cao arriving in Hanzhong, in the city of Nanzheng (2,4). He was greeted by his kinsman Cao Hong, who told him how Zhang He had screwed up time and again. But Cao Cao simply waved it off.

“It’s not Zhang He’s fault,” he said. “Besides, victory and defeat are common in war.”

“Liu Bei has sent Huang Zhong to attack Mount Dingjun,” Cao Hong next said. “Xiahou Yuan heard that Your Highness has arrived, so he has been holding off on fighting.”

“If we do not give battle, it’d be a sign of weakness,” Cao Cao said. So he sent a messenger to Mount Dingjun to tell Xiahou Yuan to attack.

The adviser Liu Ye, however, cautioned Cao Cao: “Xiahou Yuan’s rigid nature is vulnerable to deception.”

Reminded of this, Cao Cao personally wrote a letter to Xiahou Yuan. The letter said:

“Every general must learn to balance hard and soft tactics. Bravery alone counts for little; it is for fighting a single foe. Right now, my forces are stationed at Nanzheng. I would like to see a demonstration of your ‘superb talent.’ Do not bring shame to those two words.”

Xiahou Yuan was delighted by the letter because, hey, the boss just called me a “superb talent.” After he sent the messenger back, he talked to his comrade Zhang He about how to proceed.

“Our lord and his army are stationed at Nanzheng to take on Liu Bei,” Xiahou Yuan said. “If you and I just stay glued to this place, how can we accomplish anything? Tomorrow, I will go out to give battle and capture Huang Zhong alive.”

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“But Huang Zhong is brave and smart, and now he’s got Fa Zheng helping him,” cautioned Zhang He, who was turning into a giant wet blanket. “We must not underestimate him. This place has treacherous terrain. The best thing to do is defend.”

“If we let someone else hog all the glory, how can we face our lord?” Xiahou Yuan said in rebuke. “You stay here and defend the mountain, while I go out to fight. Who dares to go lure the enemy in?”

His nephew Xiahou Shang volunteered, and Xiahou Yuan told him, “When you go out and meet Huang Zhong, just lose and retreat. I have a plan.”

Once he shared the plan, Xiahou Shang went off with 3,000 men. To see what this plan was, and how well it worked out, tune in to the next episode of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. Thanks for listening!

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